How to cut down your wedding guest list
Okay, so you’re planning your wedding and the first thing that comes up is “how big” do you want your wedding to be? Big can be 100 people or 300 people so it’s all relative.
When Chris and I were planning our wedding we struggled with this. We were very fortunate enough to have our parents cover our wedding and I know for a fact if we hadn’t our Wedding would have looked a lot different.
From our experience, we had a 150 person Wedding with an invite list of 200 people. I was honestly pretty happy that many people decided to not come because
I didn’t really know most that RSVP’d no,
It was a huge budget saver and with Chris’s folks pitching in with what my parents gave us I didn’t want to leave them a huge bill.
Now that I’ve experienced my Wedding with all the different landscapes of people that came, this is what I would have done if I needed to make cuts.
What I would have done knowing what I know now
First, if your parents are not covering your wedding my first cut would be their friends. Seriously, I haven’t seen these people in years and spent two seconds talking to them on the day of our wedding. For example, had we cut parents friends our original list would have been trimmed down to 56 people.
You may have some close family friends but remember your wedding should prioritize your family. Likely, these people will understand and may even still send you a gift or card congratulating you on your big day.
Second cut, kids. This is a no brainer and people now expect their kids to not be invited. We included kids to our list because I knew that the people who I desperately wanted to come weren’t going to be able to if they couldn’t bring their little ones. If you struggle with this you may be able to book a space at your hotel for kids to hangout in and hire sitters to make it more accessible but it’s likely that parents will struggle to separate themselves from their little ones especially if they are not local.
Third cut, plus ones. If your invitee is not engaged or you don’t know the person they are dating the answer is no. Be firm with this no. Yes, it sucks to go to a wedding without your boo, but frankly $200 for a stranger to come to your wedding is not a cost you can afford.
Fourth cut, immediate family ONLY. Meaning no second cousins or great uncles. Parents, siblings, aunt/uncles, cousins, grandparents STOP. When we looked at our list my mom had invited her cousin and their kids and looking back I should have said no. Hadn’t seen them since I was 5 years-old and probably won’t ever again.
So here’s the final count had we cut our 200 person list:
Parents friends: 23 + 43 = 56 ($190e)
Kids: 15 ($25e)
Plus 1: 5 ($190e)
Non-immediate family: 5 ($190e)
Savings = $12,935
*plus you should consider the table scapes you save ($200e for table of 10 - kids) 6 tables = $1,200 making a total savings of $14,135
Total Guest List = 140 people with an estimated attendance of 100 people = $19,000
Remember it’s your day
Here is my suggestion for having the tough convo with your folks. First, explain the cost/savings that cutting this list would be and how this is the list of people that you truly envisioned for your wedding day. Second, if your parents want to invite certain people, ask them to pay for their plate. Though they might not be paying for your whole wedding they may be able to toss you the money you need to make it a little bigger. Lastly, remember it is your day and you won’t want to be surrounded by people you don’t recognize. You will want to feel loved and supported and feel everyone’s excitement for YOU.
Remember it’s purpose
The last cut you should consider if you’re on a tight budget is your extended family. Cutting your Aunts/Uncles and Cousins. This is a hard decision but depending on where you are in your life it might make sense. With weddings people expect you to have everyone you’ve ever crossed in your life be there and quite honestly it’s lost a bit of its purpose - which should be celebrating your new future as a new family.
The most important people to celebrate in this union are your immediate family and in fact it could actually get your families to mingle more during your event rather than having them spend the whole night catching up with extended family members, and isn’t that the goal?
Sit with your partner and ask yourselves how do you want to be celebrated? Which people are must haves and who are people that, though it would be nice, it’s not really about them being there. Drama is bound to happen when making the cuts but it’s not your weight to carry. People these days are more understanding of the financial responsibility of throwing a wedding and ALSO, know that it costs a lot to be there so people are generally OK with not being invited. If they aren’t they will get over it.
I hope this brings you more clarity! Happy wedding planning :)
